For Sale

I have a brand new boxed Laserjet 1022NW laser printer for sale. They are around £200 quid new. It is black and white/ grayscale... NOT colour.. Anyone interested in offering more than a hundred quid, please leave a comment and I'll get in touch...

more info here

UPDATE: sold within 30 minutes...

The Treadmill

NB: all times are approximate

09.00 alison gets back from capetown - exhausted
09.30 i leave to fix some-ones mac
10.30 ali goes to sainsburies
11.30 mercedes breaks down
11.45 ring the aa - wont fix because its outside house
12.00 ali unpacking suitcases and then packing again for next trip
13.00 i go to fix someone else's mac in taxi
15.30 mate arrives to try fixing mercedes - no luck
15.40 another mate arrives to say hello
16.00 book mechanics in to tow mercedes to garage
16.05 i go out to fix a mac in taxi
17.00 oscar pulls 3 sheets of mdf onto his head - survives
17.10 I return to chaos - shouting
17.20 ali cooks kids dinner - preps for tomorrow
18.00 I walk to shop to get milk
18.20 kids bathtime - messy
19.30 kids to bed
20.00 kids decide they don't want to go to bed
21.00 we eat - sort of
21.20 kids in bed again
21.40 ali in bed - knackered
22.00 dis working on computer
23.30 dis goes to bed
00.20 oscar wakes up crying
01.30 oscar has temperature , needs medicine
03.30 oscar in our bed
05.00 ellie in our bed
06.15 alarm clock goes off
06.20 alarm clock goes off again
06.40 load up taxi with suitcases for ali trip
07.00 ali drives taxi to kent leaving me with no car
07.15 feed kids - drink half cup of coffee before cold, 2 fags
07.30 washing machine on - make beds
08.30 walk oscar to school
08.40 continue walking to ellie school
09.05 ellie deposited at school - late but ok
09.20 back home - realise wallet is missing
09.30 mechanics call - can't make it - thanks
09.45 try starting car again - battery runs flat
10.00-13.00 tidy entire house thoroughly whilst looking for wallet
11.00 first of 4 mac support calls start coming in
11.20 go through wheelie bins looking for wallet - nice
11.30 go to shop to see if I left wallet there..no
12.00 call oscars nursery - can he stay all day please - yes !?, thank f***
12.20 water plants - why bother, they're all dead anyway...
13.00 dis working on computer - new deadline, thanks mate needed that..
14.00 ring bank to cancel all bank cards, they offer a loan of course.
14.15 borrow a car to visit a client, virgin broadband bust - surprised = no
15.15 ellie finishes school goes to ballet
15.30 return borrowed car - keys through letterbox
16.00 second wash on, tumble drier on for first lot
16.10 need sugar - 2 x amarula shots with havana club top up
16.30 pick up oscar - can't pay - no wallet - sort it tomorrow? - ok
17.00 ellie back from ballet - hyperactive - pushy
17.20 ali calls - staying away till tomorrow - ok no problem
17.30 oscar throws up everywhere - temperature - calpol - mop
17.40 kids bathtime ahead of schedule to wash sick off oscar
18.00 put clean bed sheets on bed - hurrah about time too
18.30 kids dinner - not eaten - don't blame them - kievs in tomato sauce
18.40 kids fighting - crying - hurt - then ok again
18.50 dis opens bottle of red wine ( kindly donated by client)
19.00 chicken run dvd on - kids silent - eating crisps - still hungry
19.20 dishwasher emptied, reloaded, on again
19.30 tumble drier on for second lot
19.40 dis working on computer - constant interruptions
20.10 kids to bed - arguments - go to bed or else...
20.30 oscar sick again - change bedding - ellie wakes up
21.00 kids asleep
21.30 dis eats spaghetti with sauce from jar - yuk
22.00 get everything ready for morning - bookbag, packed lunch
22.15 large vodka coke - out of ice - bummer
23.00 dis wastes 20 minutes writing this blog - am I mad or what ?
23.30 bed
00.00 i am dreaming of a far away place which is soft and fluffy and floaty. there are no clocks or wallets and my legs don't work. a warm fuzz overwhelms me. all is peaceful, until, far away in the distance, a child calls my name...

The Dress Code

Today, on the telly, Trinny and Susannah did a show about how us men should dress. It basically involved 3 steps.. 1- know your shape, 2 - look for ideas, and 3- try it on. So I started with the first one, which is know your shape. There are 6 shapes..
Top Heavy
Beer Belly
Thin
Short Legs
Man Boobs
Thick Neck

That's great except that I'm already buggered because I am top heavy, with a beer belly, I am thin, and have short legs. What am I supposed to do now ? Silly bloody women! Download your own guide here..

For Alison

A bedtime story from Ellie and her mate Tilly.

Saturday Night

Oscar is in bed, Ellie has her mate 'Tilly' round for a sleepover, and I have an iPhone and a glass of Chianti. We are all very happy tonight.

Monsoon

My little girl Ellie has just done the Monsoon spring/summer catalogue. She had a great laugh, spending the day dressing up with a bunch of other girls in a huge room full of clothes, shoes, and jewellery. There was even a hair and makeup person waving curling tongs around. They were in heaven, probably. The Monsoon people won't let us have any of the proper pictures yet so here's one i managed to snap very quickly - Ellie on the left.

The Joanna

Now you all know how much I like a freebie... Well guess what ? Here's my latest acquisition - a Piano! It all seems to work and is in tune sort of, except the lid is split and needs gluing and one of the notes doesn't work, which is ok because it's not one of my favourite notes anyway. The kids are gonna love it. Think I might brush paint it purple, and get some earplugs (obviously).

iDrink

Can't wait to get my iPhone... remember it's not just a phone, ipod, internet/mail device, video player, camera etc. Its a bleedin bartender as well. Hurrah !

Mental

Life has gone a bit mental here - the missus is away in Capetown again and I'm buried under a pile of work, laundry, accounts, etc etc. The battery is dead on my cab, and a bloke up the road wants to give me a piano. And I'm gonna get an iphone on Friday, And Leopard is buggy. And I'm not sleeping properly. Thank god for youtube.

Another Great Sunday

Another perfect weekend - my mate Angela was 27 today and cooked a feast for us all, then we let of some rockets in the mews and then piled in the taxi and went to see the bonfire in my favorite secret park. And now Charlies Angels is on the telly. Brilliant !

Leopard

I've been using Leopard for 2 days now, and so far everything is working perfectly, and I reckon it's bloody good. Time machine is absolutely fantastic. Coverflow and Quickview are brilliant as well. But be very very careful before you install it. Make sure you update everything, repair permissions, then backup EVERYTHING,and take your time.

Spooky

Blinkin hell, is that time of year again? I'm sure my internal clock has gone very wrong because it seems like it was just a few months ago. Maybe I need hormone replacement therapy or something. And please don't tell me that it's possible to do anything useful with pumpkin innards, because it just isn't. I mean, if pumpkins were any good we would eat them all year round, wouldn't we... but we don't cos they are horrible spooky things. Pumpkin seeds maybe, but even then you're pushing it a bit.
These guys have got the right idea though...

Bliss

Yesterday, we did a Sunday Roast (on a Saturday). We bought 2 legs of lamb and some goose fat from the posh butchers in Lordship Lane and after 2 and half hours of commotion in the kitchen, we served up a superb feast for 6 adults and 6 kids. The grown ups drank loads of wine and blackcurrant martinis whilst the kids destroyed the house and played in the mews with sparklers.

Today I am going to watch Star Wars episode 4, (whilst recording James and the Giant Peach), then Top Gear and The Ninth Gate (whilst recording Long Way Down and Abigails Party.)

And I'm going to buy one of those giant tins of quality street.

Leopard

Cor Blimey, finally I might get my hands on the new system, it's been bloody ages since they first started wittering on about it. Over 300 new features apparently, some useful, many not. And I'm sure it will be very exciting for about an hour, then I'll start shouting at my computer again just like usual. Oh well, Hoh Hum and all that.

Blogger Play

As if most of you don't already spend far too much time staring at your computers, here's yet another way of wasting your valuable time. If you're even remotely nosey, ( which you are anyway because you are nosing into my life right now ) you will love the latest idea from the chaps at Blogger.
Blogger Play will show you a never-ending stream of images that were just uploaded to public Blogger blogs. You can click the image to be taken directly to the blog post it was uploaded to, or click “show info” to see an overlay with the post title, a snippet of the body, and some profile information about the blogger who uploaded it.
Perfect if you have an attention span of less than 3 seconds.

More Graffiti

This is more like it... pinched from Craigy's blog...

House Envy

We've all just spent the day shooting the Charles Dickens documentary in Griff Rhys Jones's house in Fitzroy Square. Five storeys of fantastic huge house stuffed with wonderful things, must be worth a bleedin fortune. Well jealous. Ellie had a great time, but poor old Oscar objected to wearing a smock and found all the hanging around a bit tedious to say the least. And it was a long day, eleven hours on set surrounded by people wearing some very strange clothes. In the end he just couldn't handle it any longer and we had to evacuate the place. Glad to be back home, even if it isn't five storeys high.

Pimp My Taxi

In between hours of staring blankly at pages of code and other gibberish on my computer screen, I have been occupied by my latest passion - the black london taxicab I bought a few weeks ago. It is seriously good fun to drive around in, and we both argue over who's turn it is every time we need to go somewhere. I have had it checked out by a taxi mechanic, and he reckons it's good for another hundred thousand miles at least. When the sun shines, I nip outside with my T-cut, BackToBlack, vinyl roof polish, WD40 etc, and tinker with it. As if this isn't daft enough, I have just ordered a wooden steering wheel, chrome hubcaps, and an assortment of other chromey bits to fancy it up a bit. Alison wants to do up the interior in a kind of Indian retro chic stylee, with mad carpet, cushions and dangly things. I want a decent stereo with a subwoofer wotsit and a set of chrome bumpers. We are all being silly buggers this week.

Christmas Comes Early

We got a call a few days ago confirming that Ellie and Oscar are to play the parts of Kate and Walter Dickens, the children of Charles Dickens, in a BBC documentary about "A Christmas Carol". They are both very excited about being on the telly, apparently they get to decorate a christmas tree and open lots of presents. Shooting starts next week, which is a slight problem because Oscar fell off the back of the sofa on Friday and now has a black eye. (which we haven't told them about..) If they complain, I'll just tell them that he has been 'getting in character', because probably most kids around that time looked slightly battered. There better be a good make-up artist around....

Lost Again

Thanks to good old iTunes, I've just been able to download the entire season 3 of Lost, which was annoyingly hijacked from my TV screen last year by those bastards at Sky. It looks damn good on my 24" iMac screen, and at £32 is pretty good value, especially if you are needing excuses not work.

Fnaaar !

This is good fun - link courtesy of my mate Tobes...

Torture

I've been very busy this week trying to finish an interactive DVD for one of my clients. The artwork, graphics, video and 3d stuff was all pretty much finished ages ago. The stage I am at now involves painstakingly examining and altering about 450 tiny text files, each with bizarre titles like MANPIMP07 and CONTUCD03. It is beginning to really do my head in. Fortunately the end is in sight and and I may be able to finish just in time to stop my brain from turning to complete mush. In a month or so, I'm going to have to edit each of these files again by translating them into the Azerbi language native to Azerbijan. I expect to be ready to commit suicide shortly afterwards.

Graffiti

The thing about graffiti here in the UK is that it is mostly of such pathetically poor quality. If the kids are talented enough to spray something cool on a wall in a sort of New York way, then I probably don't mind, but shit like this really pisses me off. For Christ's sake kids, do a bit of googling and research your artwork (and spelling) before you get started. And get some decent paints too.

Not Fair

The missus is swanning around in Capri this week, apparently working very hard but nonetheless I'm stuck here in Peckham. God I'm jealous.

If you're on a mac (which over half of you are according to my blog stats) then you can catch a glimpse of life in Capri with this QTVR three dimensional photograph thingy. And if you're using windoze then, download the quicktime plugin so that you don't feel left out.

And Whilst We're At It

And whilst we're at it, here's another classic from the archives... This one is of my missus pretending to be a bunny rabbit.

Cowboys

This week, whenever I have a few moments spare, I have been trying to sort through the 5000 or so photos on my computer. There seem to be loads of duplicates, and plenty that should just be chucked in the trash. Anyway, I came across this photo of my mate Derek, who is a recently retired chemistry schoolteacher, and felt I should share it.

Mews Party

Every year, all of us here in the Mews have a big party. This years event was great fun, there were no injuries, and we didn't have any trouble with the police. I mixed a rather lethal bucket of pimms (1 bottle pimms, 1 bottle vodka, 1 bottle lemonade) which was a great success, and everyone got very pissed. I am rather hungover today.

New iPods

Oh God, thats all I need, more beautiful gizmos to spend my non existent money on. And there will be a replacement out in 12 weeks probably. The iPod Touch is a masterpiece of design (again), click here to see a video explaning all it's wonderful features... Whatever happened to Radio Rentals ? Perhaps it's time to simply rent these things and just upgrade whenever something new comes along...

Pillocks

Come on then, if yer hard enough !

Mac Nuts

Ok, macs are cool, I love my mac etc etc. But, these people are nuts.

Although, this is even sadder...