Extreme Naughtiness

A Master Class by Oscar - aged 3

Step 1 - Wait till your Dad isn't looking and grab a flatbit (pictured) from his toolkit.

Step 2 - Go outside and find your nieghbours car, preferably with blue metallic paint.

Step 3 - Grasp the flatbit firmly in your hand and push the point against the drivers door.

Step 5 - Drag down using enough pressure to scratch through to the metal. If you are doing it correctly, you will hear an interesting sound.

Step 6 - Repeat approximately 10 times, before moving on to the rear panel.

Step 7 - Make sure the scratches in the rear panel match those in the drivers door.

Step 8 - Stand back and admire your artwork.

Tooth Fairy

Luella has had a wobbly tooth for a fortnight now, and yesterday morning it finally fell out. She is absolutely delighted. The Tooth Fairy popped by last night some time and sprinkled magic dust all over her room, and swopped the tooth for a One Pound Coin.

SBSC's

This month, I have been concentrating on Small But Significant Changes (SBSC's). Mostly, this involves picking up a paint brush and painting a wall or piece of furniture that has started to look a bit tired. But it has also involved, re-potting plants, moving pictures around, making wall hangings, building plant boxes, fixing shelves, building a table and clearing out the pond. The only rule for SBSC's, is that they must cost very little money, make a long term improvement to my environment and be quick and easy to do.

Next month I am going to start doing some LBUM's and some URHU's.

Freebies !

A friend of mine who occasionally gets involved in marketing/packaging/copywriting stuff, popped round one morning ( in her new Fiat 500 ) with a boot full of ice cream. She had been asked to some some research into ice cream packaging, and had just returned from Sainsburies where she had bought 125 quids worth of the stuff. Trouble is that she only wanted the packaging, and didn't have enough room in her freezer for all the ice creams. The upshot of this is that i now have a freezer which is absolutely stuffed full of Cornettos and Magnums and countless lollies and stuff that I have never heard of.

I am bullying the kids into eating the ice lollies, and eating all the ice cream myself. Last night I had 5 in a row, whilst watching "House" on the telly. My top recommendations so far, are:

Mars Bar Ice Cream - just like a mars bar but with ice cream instead - Bloody Brilliant !
Cornetto Classic - creamy vanilla with a satisfying lunk of solid chocolate at the bottom... good.
Nestle After Eight - very minty.
Nestle Smarties - boring.
Magnum White - like eating 6 milky bars in one go - makes you want to puke up afterwards.

One to avoid is the Skinny Cow Triple Chocolate With Less Than 3 Per Cent Fat - consistently drab throughout- the low fat content makes it particularly depressing.

Bonkers

We are thinking of buying this ludicrous sofa that we saw at ILVA yesterday. Please will someone persuade us not to waste a huge amount of money on something as stupid as a silver leather sofa. (£1200)

Birthday

Regrettably, and with great sadness, I must inform you all that on the 8th of April, I will be enduring my 49th birthday. And, to be honest, I think it's pretty bloody dreadful. I am feeling like a very old git today.