Old Mates

My mate Derek popped over for a few drinks last night - brought along an old friend of ours from Holland. It was good to catch up on gossip and demonstrate our children to the dutch girl. Slightly hungover today and considering doing something daft - a visit to Ilva to spend our Christmas vouchers seems favourite at the moment. Might buy a "Daybed" and coffee table...

Xmas

Question - Is it possible for a child to have too many christmas presents, to get bored opening them, to forget who gave them and what they were... ?

Answer - Yes.

The Horror...

Now I should start by saying that we are not proud of this, but thought you should know about our adventure last night.
It all started a few weeks ago I was woken in the night by a strange sound in the hallway. I staggered blearily to the bedroom door, peered through the gap and saw a strange cat sitting on the stairs, it had obviously come in through our now redundant catflap (we no longer have a cat). "No problem..", I thought, and went back to bed. A few days ago I heard more noises in the night and in the morning found the bin bag had been ripped open and bits of food were lying around. I tidied up and then went to the cat flap and locked it shut. Problem solved. Or so I thought...

Last night at around 3 am Alison heard strange noises and woke me up. I went into the hallway but could see nothing. Perhaps I had inadvertedly locked the cat in ? I shut Ellie and Oscars bedroom door to make sure that our uninvited quest didn't get into their room, and went back to bed. Half an hour later we could hear a scratching noise coming from their bedroom so I walked in, and strained to see anything in the dark. Switched the light on and had the shock of my life... A huge rat ran across the room and dissapeared beneath Ellie's bed. I shrieked, Alison lept out of bed. "Quick" I said, "Get something to poke it out from under the bed, and something to whack it with...." Alison grabbed a broom and a cardboard wrapping paper tube ( ???!!! ) and stood out in the hallway. I poked around under the bed and it ran out towards the hallway. I heard Alison say "oh my God" as it headed towards her, then she started screaming and banging. The kids woke up. By the time I made to the hallway the rat was halfway up the stairs but had been semi-concussed by a flookey hit to the head with a cardboard tube. It fell over the edge of the stairs and landed right in front of me where I clobbered him repeatedly with the broom until he was 'Brown Bread' as the cockneys say. Blood everywhere, kids crying, Alison and I, starkers and shrieking at half three in the morning. I wish I'd had a camera, easily the funniest thing this year...

P.S. I have now boarded up the cat flap permanently.

Elfishness

OK so I know everyone is doing this, but what the hell... here's mine.

Party Time

It was Luella's fourth birthday on Saturday and she had a mermaid and pirates party. There was a magic show featuring Professor Palmermoff and his stunning array of of magical effects, illusions, balloon modelling and fun (0208 691 4533). Everyone had a great time and no one got hurt. Some of the adults got quite drunk.

A Classic

After many years service, my mate Craig is leaving Carter Wong & Partners to try and go it alone as a freelancer. Whilst clearing his desk he found this movie that the 3 of us made back in the late nineties. We filmed it during the lunch break, then added music and antiqued it in the afternoon. We were planning on embedding it in a CD-Rom project we were working on, with a hidden hotlink to get to it. Can't remember if we ever did put it in though...Anyway, click here to see the vid.

Chocco

Today has been interesting - kind of. Got up, fed kids, jumped in car and we all headed to Surbiton where Ellie and Oscar were going to be in a photoshoot for Thorntons Chocoates. Got there at 10.30 only to be told that the chocolates hadn't arrived and that they hadn't finished building the set. It was frantic in the house and not an ideal environment for two energetic kids so we had to walk around in the pissing rain for 2 hours looking for something to do. Ended up buying Ellie a disco ball thing in Maplins. When we returned, the stylist dressed them up and brushed their hair and sat them at a table with some grown up models pretending to be a family. So far, so good. But then they had to start eating chocolate, and I mean loads of chocolate... really, you should have seen them, there were crates of the stuff and Oscar and Ellie went mental. Then they had a break whilst the crew re-jigged the set and then it was the whole sticky chocolate mayhem madness thing again. Four times they did this. Now you all know what that stuff does to kids and that's where the nightmare began. By 3 o'clock their eyeballs were popping and they were both completely hyperactive, by 5 they were charging around the set, tripping over cables and tripods and throwing things at the photographer, the fake mum got her face scatched, things were getting ugly but then thank god it was time to leave so we did.
About halfway back the adrenalin, sugar and cocoa started to fade and they both conked out. At home the place was still a mess from yesterday and I realised that there wasn't anything much to eat and it all started going pear shaped again.(no batteries for the disco ball thing). Managed to placate them with milk and some fruit and a recording of Thumbelina. Then Angela rang to say she had a load of unwanted food she had bought for a job today and she would pop round with it (she often gives us these Red Cross Parcels...thank you Angela...) Made some penne with a cheese sauce that didn't seem to work but they ate it anyway, then got them to bed. Then a steak sandwich with onions and dijon mustard and fresh rocket with a bottle of beer for me, and finally all is calm. Going to bed now.

Xmas is coming

Ellie had an appointment with the hairdressers this morning but we got there a bit early and had to walk around the shops for while. Just as we were walking past a shop she spotted this big bloke with a beard hanging around in a sort of "grotto" place. Anyway we went in and guess who was there! It was the real Father Xmas so they sat down and had a chat for a while and then he gave her a present. Oscar was a bit freaked out at first but calmed down temporarily after Santa gave him a chocolate.

Portraits

This morning whilst I was sorting out clothes for the kids to wear, Ellie grabbed a few things and ran upstairs. A few minutes later she began shouting for me to come and see what she had been doing. "I've made me and Oscar !" she proudly announced, and indeed she had.

Busy

Today I decided to keep a record of my activities so that I could conduct a kind of "time and motion" study, and work out what I am doing wrong.

1 - woke up
2 - dressed the kids
3 - made breakfast (scrambled eggs)
4 - emptied dishwasher
5 - filled dishwasher
6 - emptied tumble drier
7 - filled washing machine
8 - emptied washing machine
9 - filled tumble drier
10 - tidied up both bedrooms
11 - cleaned kitchen sink
12 - mopped floor
13 - split an mp3 track in two for a client
14 - researched hard disk recorder for alisons mum
15 - taught ellie how to write "oscar"
16 - went to Argos and collected the mother in laws xmas present
17 - took ellie to nursery
18 - emptied tumble drier
19 - hung clothes up
20 - went and had a haircut
21 - answered emails
22 - did an hours work on my cd rom job
23 - inputted last years accounts into spreadsheet
24 - consequently bought 8 weeks worth of lotto tickets online
25 - collected ellie and her friend Ivy from nursery
26 - helped them make paper crowns
27 - cooked them dinner (kievs, corn on the cob, banana custard)
28 - tidied up again
29 - rang Alison in Capetown
30 - watched the news
31 - put kids to bed
32 - had a bath
33 - drank half a bottle of Prosecco
34 - had dinner
35 - filled dishwasher again
36 - uploaded this blog entry
37 - went to bed

Only a few of these tasks will result in any longterm usefulness or change. Many of them seem utterly pointless. Three were fun, a few were boring and a several were a complete waste of time. The first was difficult, the last was easy. One was delicious and one was mediocre. But one is a complete lie - can you guess which ? Answers on a xmas card please.

Posh Pudding

I'm hungry and once again the paltry contents of my larder struggle to inspire me. Pasta. pasta, pasta, a jar of sauce, some dried mushrooms, 2 eggs - I really can't be bothered.
Instead I decided to watch Rick Stein's food heroes or whatever it is on the telly to get my juices going, then improvise. So for dinner tonight I had tinned spotted dick with ambrosia custard and then, just to posh it up a bit, I added a splosh of baileys on top.

A Joke

A Swedish guy is on holiday in London and walks into a chemist shop. " Helloo " he says, " I wod liyke to buy some deeeodourant pleeze? "

"Certainly Sir," says the chemist. "Ball or Aerosol ?"

Swedish guy replies "Noo, I wunt it for my armpits..."

Wild Life

Today we got an invitation to join our friend Julia who said she was taking her kids up to the wildlife centre where they were having a "Tree Day". I think the idea was that everyone bought a tree and planted it but as I don't have a garden that would have been a bit daft. So we settled for looking at trees instead, except that I spent most of my time chasing Oscar around and trying to stop him from jumping in the pond. Ellie made a "Tree Man" by sticking things onto a bit of a branch. We entered a raffle and lost. I had a disjointed three minute conversation with another grownup about something. Oscar tripped over and scratched his knee. Still, I suppose the fresh air did us some good.

FryUp

I went out last night to a sort of club party rave thingymajig and got quite pissed as you do when you go to those sort of things. Anyway, when I woke up this morning i was absolutely starving, but there wasn't anything in the fridge that seemed appropriate. Fortunately, we have a particularly good "greaser" in nearby Bellenden Road - the fryups there are superbly fried and, er, greasy. I have now vowed to try and go every weekend with the kids as a special treat for them. Ellie has got the hang of it already and can even tell me what she's going to have before she gets there. (bacon , chips, mushrooms and beans). To finish the morning off perfectly, when we got home we made a milkshake with rasperry ripple ice cream, a banana and some good old fashioned Nesquik milkshake powder. Sorted.

Freebies

One thing I've always loved is a "freebie". In fact the bulk of our household contents are either freebies (both new and used) , discounted in some way, swops, skip finds or just plain old second hand.
Today whilst walking Ellie and Oscar back from nursery, we discovered a three wheeler buggy that had been abandoned in Coplestone Alley. A quick inspection revealed that the front wheel forks were hanging off rendering the thing practically impossible to push, all the tyres were flat and it had that all too familiar smell of puke and stale milk that all buggies acquire after only a few months. Nonetheless, I loaded Oscar into it and after a bit of a struggle got the thing home. First job was to tighten the nut that holds the forks on, easy peasy - that was the wheel problem fixed. Then pump up the tyres - no punctures, just flat... Next I stripped it down, chucked all the fabric bits in the washing machine, oiled the wheels and jet washed the frame. I even put some of that "back to black" stuff on the plastic bits to make them all shiny and new looking. And now I have a perfectly working, clean and rather posh buggy that retails for around 250 quid. Well chuffed.

Pony

I've spent the last couple of days pretty much confined to the house doing laundry, cooking, tidying etc. I could post some pictures of the kitchen sink, which is what I spend most of my time looking at, or even the pile of laundry that needs hanging up, but perhaps you would rather see a very happy, but slightly nervous Ellie riding a pony whilst in France last year.

Big Ears

I found this picture of me whilst rummaging through my photo album, and thought I should upload it so that you can all have a good laugh.

Artistes

Today I staplegunned a 6 foot by 4 foot sheet of bright yellow paper to the wall in the kids bedroom, and gave them a couple of pencils. Ellie pondered a while before starting work on it, Oscar just dived straight in and scribbled like mad for about ten minutes.

I may have done something really silly here, I can only hope that they can understand the fundamental difference between:
a- drawing on a piece of paper that is hanging on a wall
b- drawing on a wall

Frankie

My mate Dom came round last night with his wife Tanis, their daughter Tilly, and their new baby boy who is probably called Frankie. After 3 bottles of fizz and 3 bottles of wine, I somehow managed to succesfully operate my camera and get this rather fine photo of the Littl'un and his Dad.

Protect your Bananas !

At last I have found the banana guard I've been looking for all these years. Lets face it, nobody wants a squishy banana in their pocket and these chaps have come up trumps with their latest banana guard design. Available in a few tasty colours and on sale here in the UK... please Santa, I've been a good boy , honest !

Homecoming

Alison has returned from Cape Town at last, and the kids are very excited because they know that this means 'presents'. Amongst this trips' offerings are a train set, tin airplane, toblerone, pink dress, two pairs of rubber clogs, xmas tree decorations and 200 fags. Needless to say, everyone is delighted.

Yikes !

Finally the news that we have been dreading - it seems that there's a bit of Scritchy Scratchy going around the nursery... Just looking at this critter makes me itch all over. Ellie and Oscar seem uncontaminated at the moment but I'm taking no chances, have invested in a magnifying glass, nit comb and bottle of special shampoo. Lets hope the stuff works and I don't have to resort to shaving everyones heads.

The day after

Everything trashed - food and detritus - wet bits - slime

After the Show

Remember when you were a kid and sparklers were the best thing ever?

Souvlaki

Ellie, Oscar and I met up with Laura, Luke, Lola and Lara and went up to town to see the Lord Mayors Show. We arrived just in time to see the parade and even got to see the Mayors Carriage. Afterwards we walked over the Wobbly Bridge and managed to get a table outside the Souvlaki Bar. We got a bit carried away and ordered everything. Plus ouzo, retsina and metaxa... Some of the lamb was a bit undercooked but otherwise it very good and reminded us all of the last time we were in Greece. The kids were mostly well behaved and only one thing got broken. Then it was back to ours so that everyone could wreck the place that I'd spent all day tidying up.

Shepherds Pie

After reading Silvanas recipe for yummy cottage pie the other day, I decided to give it a go, but, because I am a bit pushed for time, I took a few shortcuts. Here's the recipe...

Start by transferring a supermarket 'ready made' shepherds pie into an old plastic container ( I used a neopolitan soft scoop ice cream tub). Now pop the lid back on (or if you have lost it, slide the whole thing into a placcy bag) and microwave it for exactly half the time suggested on the packet. Then remove the lid and pour frozen peas on top, replace the lid and leave for a few minutes so that the peas can thaw. Now you can microwave on full whack for the remaining time. When you are ready to "plate up", you can simply scrape the peas off first onto one bit of the plate, then dollop out the pie. Add some ketchup et voila ! Happy kids and a happy daddy.

Ellies Hat

Ellie has a hat as well.

Hello

Hello, my name is Ellie.

Shampoo

Here's a drawing that Ellie did today at nursery. If you compare it with the self portrait she did yesterday, you can clearly see that I did indeed (as promised) wash her hair and put conditioner in.

Hello Mum

This one is for Alison who is hard at work in Cape Town and surrounded by other peoples kids. Just to let you know that everything is fine back here in London, and I promise to wash their hair tomorrow. And put conditioner in. xxx