Drawers

We have been very busy doing up our bathroom. We now have a real shower, and a floor with tiles on it, which is all very nice. I am particularly proud of my drawers, which I have lined with some dark red rubber that I found outside someones workshop last summer. As you can see, I have arranged a mini Damian Hirst show in one of them. My favourite device is the pair of forceps which are good for pulling stubborn nose hairs, but I also like the the ultra-sonic nit comb, and foot cheese grater.

Party Time

It seems ages since I went to a Party, so I decided to dress up a bit. The shoes are from one of Peckham Ryes infamous fashion boutiques, just ten quid for that instant 'pimp' look - not bad at all.

For Whom The Bell Tolls

My mate James has just sent me an email to explain that on the 12th of December, he is going to put on a pair of Victorian britches, and have a punch up with a bloke from the territorial army. Obviously, this is very bonkers. If you would like to know why he is doing this, or would like to watch the bloodfest, or even if you just like a bit of blood with your pie and mash, look here... Either way, it is vitally important that you click this link.

Stuffed Stuff

Today, whilst tidying the kids bedroom, I began to realise that the entire house was being taken over by soft cuddly toys. After a head count, it became apparent that there were no less than 73 bears, dogs, monkeys, and chickens along with a curious assortment of cartoon characters and other generally unpleasant stuffed things. I have ordered a cull - the children have 1 hour to decide who stays and who gets 'recycled'. By my reckoning, about half of them need to get the chop. And yes, before you tell me, I am an utter bastard. ( the kids have already made this clear)

I Want One

God, I wish I was rich. £1700 for the top monkey. 27 inches of pure joy. There must be something I can sell.

The Bellenden Bunfight

On Saturday the 10th of October, we shall be attempting to enter the bunfight. Last year we were 'rejected' for using an instant chocolate brownie mix which we had bought an hour earlier in "PayMore" - the local minimart. But this time we are going to cook something using real ingredients. We have 4 figs on our fig tree which may be ready just in time. For Bunfight info, head over here...

Bold Tendencies

For the past few months, there has been something rather interesting happening on the top of Peckham Multi Storey Car Park. A group of artists have set up an exhibition of sculptures spread out across the top few floors, and at least 3 deserve looking at. There's at trashed car on level 7 which may or may not be part of the exhibition, either way I thought it was rather wonderful. Probably the best thing is that there is a bar and cafe. There is a fantastic panorama of London, which you can enjoy whilst drinking beer and smoking a fagg. Sadly, tonight is the last night until next summer.

Driving

I watched a driving instructor today, who was parked on a double yellow line whilst talking to someone on his mobile phone. He then set about performing a 5 point turn, using only one hand (because he was still rabbitting on his phone), and proceded a few yards up the road, where he pulled up on a corner, reversed onto the pavement, then switched the engine off and let his foot off the pedals before putting on his handbrake. He rolled backwards about 2 feet before yanking the handbrake on.

Nice.

ColourScape

There were some very, very, strange things going on inside a multicoloured tent on Clapham Common today.

Juana

A friend of mine has finally got round to posting a video of himself performing when he was a cabaret artiste known as "Juana la Cubana". And it is totally obvious to me that he should come out of retirement and get back on the stage. Absolutely Brilliant...

Come on mate, you must still have some fishnets knocking around somewhere ...

Weddings

A couple of years ago, I bought an old black cab, which despite a bit of rust here and there, is a jolly good laugh to drive around in. Today, "Rosie" as she has become known, had a rather special day driving a Bride and her Dad to a wedding.
We filled the car with flowers, and played "Get me to the church on time" on the stereo. it was very nice and I'm sure I saw her welling up in the rear view mirror.

Carrots

This weekend, we endured the five hour drive up to my mums' house in North Yorkshire. It was nice to be in the countryside, and the weather was generally OK. Whilst there, we drove around the countryside looking for things to do, and came across the Wensleydale Country Show, where we looked at some tractors, cattle, a couple of steam engines and a few burger vans. There was also a tent full of giant vegetables, surrounded by some very proud pensioners wearing country style clothing and holding walking sticks. Oscar was very impressed by the display of big carrots. If you look carefully at the second picture, you can see the carrot he grew at school.

Sleeping With Fat Eric

There are a few problems associated with Camping, but in my opinion the worst of them is to do with getting a decent nights sleep. Firstly, there is the endless babbling drivel emanating from the pissed-up delinquents in the tent next to you, (use earplugs), and secondly the fact that you wake up in agony as a result of sleeping on an inferior bed. I have however, found the solution, in the form of a pair of Alpkit Fat Airic Self Inflating Mattresses. It's a cross between a foam mat and an inflatable air bed, and is absolutely bloody brilliant. You unroll it, open the valves, then go and have a pint. When you get back, the mattress has self inflated about halfway. You then add a few puffs to top up to your desired firmness and close the valves. I did a lot of googling and this one seems to be the best because it can inflate to 7cm thick, is rectangular (not tapered) and no where near as expensive as 'Thermorest'. We got 2 for £80, and I've just tried one out. It is possibly more comfortable than my own bed, which has a very tired Ikea mattress on it. Perhaps I'll camp out tonight because I will be more comfy, and won't have to listen to my delinquent kids in the next bedroom.

Boats and Stuff

On Friday morning, we piled a load of stuff into our old taxi and blasted down to Bath with the intention of doing a bit of last-minute camping. All the campsites were fully booked, but, as it turns out, the Mother in Law was sailing gently up the river Avon towards us. After a quick detour and some button pressing on my iphone, we found ourselves piling on board a narrowboat for what turned out to be a highly enjoyable weekend. It was great fun going through the locks, most of which seem to be alongside a pub. A narrow boat is just under 7 feet wide and under 72 feet long (so it can fit in a lock), which means things can get a little cramped with 4 adults and 2 farty kids.

Sheppey

Some friends of ours have got a hut next to the beach on the Isle Of Sheppey. We've just spent a couple of days down there, mucking about on the beach. Sheppey is actually a bit pikey, but apart from that, it was jolly nice. The beach is sandy, the pubs are cheap, and its only 2 hours in the car to get there.

The Horror

When I caught the advert for this on the telly, my head instantly turned away, as if I had just witnessed some sort of gruesome car accident. But then, like the pathetic rubber-necker that I am, I slowly turned back, allowing the mixture of disbelief and revulsion to ovewhelm my senses, revelling in the gory details, soaking in the depraved neon packaging... I am genuinely horrified.

Weddings

A mate of mine decided last year to go travelling around the world, but accidentally fell in love and got married to a Bolivian girl. Anyway, they had 3 weddings, one in Bolivia, one in the registry office, and another in the english countryside. We only made it along to the last one, which was very romantic. It seems that all Bolivian people can sing and play the guitar. I drank far too much and woke up next to the bonfire in the pissing rain at 6 in the morning.

Scary

Don't know about you, but I reckon the kids are running the wrong way.

Broadstairs

On Wednesday the sun came out in a very big way, so Alison decided that we were all going to the beach. I have never been to Broadstairs, but I can tell you now that despite being very crowded, it is bloody nice - a classic english beach, lots of sand and fat people, and when the tide goes out there's loads of weed and rock pools to explore in search of crabs and stuff.

Fast Cars

If you are even remotely petrol headed, you should grab your cheque book and book yourself in for one of the driving days at Goodwood Race track. I spent a glorious afternoon belting around the course in an AC Cobra, Porsche 911 RallySport, Formula 2000, Alfa GT, Mini Cooper S... Fantastic fun and thoroughly recommended.

Wood Fairy

And here's one of Ellie pretending to be a wood fairy.

2 Finger Ninja Crazy Pinch

Ok, after a few months on Facebook, I am ready to return to Blogging.. To start with, heres a picture of Oscar practising his favourite 'Double Handed Two Finger Ninja Crazy Pinch Technique', which is capable of rendering his sister completely hysterical almost instantly.

Holidays !

Hurray ! A long deserved break from the kids begins tomorrow here, with a couple of hours of this thrown in... Yippee !

Even More Lost Than Before

Last night, after what seems like an incredibly long wait, I watched the first three episodes of Lost Series 5. And it was brilliant. Everyone else was in bed, and my massive telly once again earnt it's ludicrous expense.

This Morning at Seven

It's definitely a "bunk off school" day...

Tooth Alert

As you can see, the Tooth Fairy has been very busy in our house recently.

Geek Alert

I have been having an enormous amount of fun over the last few days playing around with various combinations of the following kit:

Pioneer PDP LX 5090 plasma telly
The picture quality is so good to look at that that you sometimes forget what you are actually watching..
Yamaha DSP AX763 av amplifier
Fantastic for the money...
Paradigm PS 1000 Subwoofer
Gets the bass down so low that my house starts to flap...
Western Digital WDTV media player
Unbelievably brilliant little box that lets you play music, video and photos on your telly via HDMI and the above mentioned amp. Rip your dvd collection using handbrake, and dump it to a usb hard drive, then have instant access to 1080p Dolby Digital movies. Find stuff on BTjunkie or Superfundo and download with Azureus... Awesome

Sickies

It's that time of year and there's a few bugs going round... Both kids off school and being generally annoying. Oscar seems only capable of eating popcorn and watching telly. Ellie is an entirely different kind of patient, preferring to snuggle down and think about shopping. Have got a strange feeling that I'm being stitched up here. But I'm not taking any shit from them tomorrow, it's off to school or else...

Marry Xmas

Oh My Gawd

Ooh Dear, Xmas is coming early for one bewildered dad. After about a year of research, I've just gone and ordered a bloody great big telly. £400 off normal price, and my research tells me that it's not going to get any cheaper despite credit crunches and January sales. Probably. Anyway, it is apparently the dogs bollocks and you can't really get a better screen anywhere. Can't wait to see Dot Cotton on a fifty inch plasma. Not looking forward to explaining the credit card balance to the missus though...

Get yer own here...